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350+ Funny and Witty Introductions to Use 2020

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First impressions last. The way you introduce yourself can make or break your image to somebody. That is why it is important that you make sure your introduction is something that will strike a strong impression. Most of the time, the way to do this is through a sense of humor.  Being witty and funny adds to your charm and desirability. Who doesn't like a funny fella, right?

Whatever your purpose is, we have all sorts of ways you can use to introduce yourself. We provided the best lists of 360 funny and witty introduction lines that you can use when introducing yourself to someone, when giving a speech, or when you need a killer and funny introduction lines to introduce yourself online on Twitter, Instagram, or even on dating sites and apps.  Read on if you are ready!

• Funny Self-Introductions
• Funny Online Introductions
• Funny Intro Lines for Dating Apps
• Funny and Witty Online Intro
• Funny Intro Lines for Instagram
• Funny Intro Lines for Twitter
• Funny Introductions for Speech
• Funny Introductions for Weddings

Funny Self-Introductions

No matter what the occasion is, whether you are trying to be very random into starting a conversation with someone, here are some of the good and funny introduction lines you can use to introduce yourself to someone.

1. Who doesn't love a totally strange message from a stranger about something completely random?
2. "In your opinion, how many cats are too many cats? You know, for when we live together?"
3. "Hey, I haven't read the news since 2015 but I probably didn't really miss anything, did I?"
4. I like long walks along the beach… and by the beach, I mean from my couch to my fridge.
5. "I've listened to Ariana Grande's new song 17 times today. Thoughts?"
6. "If you had to live a TV show, would you choose Riverdale or The Bachelor and why?"
7. I still use my ex's Hulu log-in, and yes, I will gladly share it with you.
8. I'm sugar (*name* actually), spice (a dash of social anxiety), and everything nice (but I will throw down if necessary.) Wanna party?
9. "What was your last dream about and how did I look?"

Funny Online Introductions

The rise of the online platforms as forms of communication makes it easier for everyone to communicate, stay connected, and make connections. It is more important to make sure that your introductions leave a strong impression especially since you are not face-to-face with the other person. Worry no more because here are some of the best witty and funny introductions you can use online.

1. I am an extraordinary person.
2. I am an ordinary person with a blessed heart.
3. Sunshine mixed with a little hurricane.
4. I can change your pessimist thoughts to optimistic ones.
5. Just an ordinary person with an extraordinary dream.
6. I am unapologetically myself.
7. I am an unsolvable paradox with a dry sense of humor.
8. I am both the storm and the calm after it.
9. I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
10. You know who I am.

Funny Intro Lines for Dating Apps

Tinder or Bumbler—whatever dating sites or apps you use, your introduction is a way to attract people. Here are some funny and witty intro lines you can use to introduce yourself and to include on your bio on dating apps and sites!

1. How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice I hope!
2. You must be a great thief because you stole my heart from across the room.
3. I'm hoping you find my awkwardness cute rather than weird.
4. You must have been a Girl Scout because you've got my heart tied in knots.
5. Aren't you tired from constantly running through my dreams?
6. My name may not be Luna, but I sure know how to Lovegood.
7. I think you're a Pokemon trainer because you just Weedle-d your way into my heart.
8. I need a map because I keep getting lost in your eyes.
9. I noticed you were staring at me. I'll let you have a minute to catch your breath.
10. I was supposed to go on a double date with my BFF and her boyfriend, but my date bailed out. Want to be my date instead?
11. You look like you're cold. My arms will warm you up.
12. You must be an appendix because I don't know what you do, but I really want to take you out.
13. You should probably tie your shoelaces or you might quickly fall for me!
14. You must be an electrician because you're lighting up my day!
15. Are your espresso? Because I like you a latte.
16. Han doesn't want to fly Solo tonight!
17. I can't write about meeting you in my diary tonight.
18. Do you have 11 protons? Because you're sodium fine!
19. If I lived in a cupboard under the stairs like Harry Potter, I'd still make room for you in my life.
20. If I had a star for every time you brightened my world I'd be holding the entire galaxy in my hands.
21. I need my inhaler because you just took my breath away.
22. I think we had a class together once. Was it chemistry?
23. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together.
24. If you were a steak, you'd be well done!
25. Your smile is proof that the best things in life are free.
26. You're so cute that I forgot my pickup line!
27. My mom thinks I`m gay, can you help me prove that she's right?
28. Hi, I'm interviewing pretty girls for a story I'm writing. So what's your name, phone number, and are you free on Friday night?
29. Did you just drop something? I hope it was your standard.

Good luck with getting laid!

Funny and Witty Online Intro

If you didn't find the perfect introduction for you from the lists above, here are more funny and witty online introduction lines you can use to add to your online bio.

1. Just being me.
2. Personal Trainer 💪 Dancer 💃 Meditator 🧘
3. Share your photos with us using #(brand name)
4. My name ain't Mary but I'm still poppin'
5. Traveller ✈️ Book Lover 📖 Obsessed with tacos 🌮
6. Check out our best sellers below
7. Glitter is the only option
8. Walking in a winter Sunderland.
9. Life is short, make every selfie count
10. One day, I hope to be a happily married old man telling wild stories from his wild youth.
11. Not like the rest of them
12. I'm no pasta.
13. Pretty & Profitable
14. Hustle for more muscle
15. Living life on my own terms; my puns are koala tea.
16. Do something today that your future self will thank you for
17. Click the follow button to be part of my [adjective] journey
18. Follow me
19. Live in the sunshine where you belong
20. It's hard to find someone who's smart, funny, adorable and a total badass. My only advice for you is, don't forget to follow me
21. One of a kind
22. Having the time of my life ⏰🎉
23. Live life in full bloom.
24. Lauren Neefe/Stocksy
25. See the good in the world
26. We love all animals 🐶 and donate a percentage of sales to marine life 🐠
27. Lettuce seizes the day.
28. Even if you had instructions, you still couldn't handle me
29. My ex doesn't go with my outfit
30. I regret nothing you see in this feed
31. Real queens fix each other's crowns
32. If love is in the air why is the air so polluted?
33. Follow my [adjective] story
34. Dreams 👉 Goals
35. I don't use filters for my photos; all real girl over here 🙂
36. Every day I create a life I love
37. The worst workout is the one you didn't bother to do
38. Always in search of some vitamin sea.
39. I have a resting beach face.
40. Sometimes we could always use a little magic don't hide the magic within you
41. Aloha 🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴
42. I'm a limited edition, there's only one me
43. Humble, with just a hint of Kanye
44. Tropic like it's hot.
45. My Instagram is proof that I'm always creating a better version of myself
46. Adding a little sparkle to your day ✨
47. Too glam to give a damn
48. I wear confidence on my sleeve
49. Kanye attitude with Drake feelings 😭
50. Recovering cake addict 🎂
51. There's no one butter.
52. C'est la vie
53. Happiness never goes out of style
54. Always bee yourself.
55. I haven't been there yet but it's on my list
56. ☕Stressed, blessed, and coffee obsessed ☕
57. I'm so deep even the ocean gets jealous
58. The best things come from living outside of your comfort zone
59. I'm ready to let's do this
60. Follow my Instagram or I'm nacho friend anymore
61. Artists never retire, they withdraw instead
62. Take advantage of every opportunity you get because some things only happen once in a lifetime
63. Great selection of (type of products) merch
64. I take a lot of selfies for my future biographer
65. This is my life
66. Be young. Be dope. Run the show.
67. I'm bearly awake.
68. When you feel like giving up, keep going
69. I'm the exception
70. Women can look beautiful in any outfit, but the right outfit can make women become powerful
71. My clothes highlight my colorful life
72. You can't become the best without first being the worst
73. Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer
74. My story will inspire you so be sure to hit that follow button
75. Mentally on the beach 🏖️
76. Play. Slay.
77. I don't know where I'm going but I'm going
78. 3Having the purrfect day.
79. Scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to unveil my secret bio.
80. What should I put here?
81. Fulltime Instagram model, DM for business inquiries
82. Livin' a little
83. Leaving a bit of sparkle everywhere I go ✨
84. I'd rather make mistakes than fake perfection
85. 🌎 Free international shipping
86. I wonder how many calories my exes burned jumping to conclusions
87. When the pain passes, you eventually see how much good came out of a bad situation

Funny Intro Lines for Instagram

If you are specifically looking for introductions and intro lines you can use for your Instagram bio, here are some of the funny, witty, and unique intro lines for you!

1. ⚫wanderlust ⚫a strong desire to travel
2. Nabi Tang/Stocksy
3. So grateful to be sharing my world with you
4. In a world of average, I'm savage
5. No this isn't a dream, this is my reality
6. Having a gouda time.
7. Sprinkling a bit of magic
8. The most important part of a camera is the person in front of it
9. I was born to do exactly what I'm doing today
10. Tell me not to do something and I'll do it twice and take pictures
11. I'm suffering from an extreme case of not being a Kardashian
12. Rollin' with the homies
13. Today's the kind of day I live for
14. Simple but significant
15. In 2019, I'm going to be better than I've ever been before
16. I'm just peachy.
17. Looking for puns? I'm punking.
18. Follow me and I'll follow back
19. I'm sparkling like my water ✨
20. All you need is love.
21. Don't study me. You won't graduate 🎓
22. Currently saying yes to new adventures
23. Currently hanging out in 🇵🇹
24. I believe in making the impossible possible because there's no fun in giving up
25. The snuggle is real.
26. Doing better
27. The prettiest smiles hide the biggest secrets
28. I'm one in a melon.
29. Always better together xoxo
30. Love 💗 and Peace ✌️
31. I dress as if I'm about to see my arch-nemesis
32. Seas the day
33. Strength comes from doing things you thought you couldn't
34. I'm out here hustlin' to claim what's mine
35. Follow along to witness history in the making
36. Yup, I'm just another Instagram influencer
37. Join me on my next adventure!
38. 🍂🍃Falling for you 🍂🍃
39. You become what you believe, so believe in yourself
40. The best things in life are really expensive. You can have me for $7 billion 😉
41. ❤️ Lover not a fighter spreading ✌️all over the 🌎
42. Relationship status: Netflix and ice cream
43. Let's not make this guacward.
44. Meet (name)
45. I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not
46. She turned her cant's into cans and her dreams into plans
47. I strive to impress myself
48. I like taking the scenic route
49. Turned my dreams into my vision and my vision into my reality
50. I believe in helping people
51. I hope you find peas.
52. You are what you do, not what you say you'll do
53. Midnight snacker 🌝
54. Do you want a pizza for me?
55. Don't know what to do? You can start by hitting that follow button.
56. Train insane or remain the same
57. #Beyourselfie
58. I shine from within so no one can dim my light
59. When life gets overwhelming, you have to keep on swimming.
60. Shh… I'm Victoria's Secret model. It's such a big secret, not even Victoria knows
61. Trying to watch more sunsets than Netflix
62. I like to stop and smell the rosé
63. I've made quite a spectacle of myself.
64. I love to take time to wind down.
65. Check out the link below
66. Capture every moment
67. So many of my smiles are because of you
68. Who runs the world? ME.
69. I don't care what people think of me this is me in the rawest form

Funny Intro Lines for Twitter

If you are a fan of Twitter and you use Twitter a lot, you might want to add more sense of humor to your Twitter bio. Here are some of the suggested funny and witty intro lines you can use in your Twitter bio.

1. I'm real, and I hope some of my followers are too.
2. The good news is I'm no longer sleeping in my cab. The bad news is my company went out of business so I no longer have a cab to sleep in.
3. Who reads these anyway?
4. They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
5. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
6. Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
7. I've learned I don't know anything. Have also learned that people will pay for what I know. Life is good.
8. Until I was thirteen I thought my name was 'Shut up'.
9. I Was Born Cool, Global Warming Made Me Hot.
10. Better late than never, but never late is better.
11. I'm not smart. I just wear glasses.
12. If Plan A didn't work. Don't worry; the alphabet has 25 more letters.
13. Want to surprise your girlfriend? Introduce her to your wife.
14. Do you even Tweet bro? #pleaselikeme Send me Bitcoin1DFijjzzshADv9XUXfG6aNkxxxxxUb
15. I don't always have time to study… but when I do, I don't.
16. You can do anything, but not everything.
17. Don't you just hate it when a sentence doesn't end the way your octopus?
18. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
19. Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.
20. Waiting for an app that could deliver six-packs.
21. I don't have bad handwriting, I have my own font.
22. Not enough space!!!!
23. Disappointed but not surprised.
24. 90% of your problems can be solved by marketing. Solving the other 10% just requires good procrastination skills.
25. Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire
26. I'm not always sarcastic. Sometimes, I'm sleeping.
27. I am the human equivalent of a typo.
28. Recommended by 4 out of 5 people that recommend things.
29. Dear Samsung, please also start selling jeans that can accommodate your smartphones.
30. I love my six packs so much; I protect it with a layer of fat.
31. Born at a very young age.
32. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
33. I try not to laugh at my jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious.
34. Living one day at a time, with a fresh-baked cookie. Okay. And with a coffee. And maybe some chocolate. But I promise to take my vitamins.
35. My parents are right about one thing, I'm beautiful!
36. Fresher than you.
37. Angelic face, devilish thoughts.
38. Good girls are bad girls, who never get caught.
39. I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
40. Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting?
41. People can't use you if you're useless.
42. Waking up every day seems a bit excessive.
43. I'm pretty sure my prayers go directly to God's spam folder.
44. One day, I'm gonna make the onions cry.
45. When I tweet, I tweet to kill.
46. When we put our minds to it, there's a lot of things we can't do.
47. Maybe I should rethink this when I spelled it Blogging at first.
48. A standup comedian who sits when tweets.
49. Why talk when you can mock? Why hide your Face like I got Mace? Is it all an act or just a Fact. Maybe if you didn't drool, you'd be cool. Ran out of room boom
50. Having one child makes you a parent, having two makes you a referee.
51. I am not failed, my success is just postponed.
52. If you can't change a Girl… change the Girl.
53. I could be classy. If I weren't lassy.
54. I don't make mistakes, I date them.
55. Never have more children than you have car windows.
56. God must love stupid people he made so many!
57. I'm working on my Twitter bio. Check again after ten years.
58. If I was funny, I would have a good Twitter bio.
59. If you're not adding value, you're adding noise. Thank you in advance.
60. Who cares? I'm awesome!
61. The worst distance between two people is a misunderstanding.
62. I'm here to serve cats!
63. The only thing I gained so far in 2014 is the weight.
64. I decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
65. Winner of World's Best Wife Award (Category: Nagging)
66. If you're texting two people at the same time, you are bisexual.
67. My girlfriend is like my iPad… I don't have an iPad.
68. Normal is boring!
69. I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
70. Looking at people's mutual friends and saying OMG HOW DO YOU KNOW THEM
71. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
72. I started writing funny tweets when I was 16. It's been 12 years and I'm still doing the same.
73. I'm not arguing, I'm simply explaining why I'm right.
74. Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper.
75. Kidnapping? I prefer the term surprise adoption.
76. I'm not on Facebook. This is all you're ever going to get.
77. Ninety-nine problems but money ain't one.
78. When does a woman say WHAT? It's not because she didn't hear from you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.
79. 50% idk, 50% IDC.
80. I believe I could, but I overslept so I didn't.
81. Let me bitch at you every day until you sort your shit out.
82. Reading texts half asleep is like looking into the sun.
83. I am not lazy, I just rest before I tired.
84. Sometimes I just stare and sometimes I just sit and stare.
85. I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
86. 2% girl, 98% anxiety.
87. Government employee. Don't blame me… I didn't do anything wrong.
88. Say yikes and move on.
89. Fitness freak: I burn calories by jumping to conclusions.
90. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he needs more proof.
91. When you're Downie, eat a brownie.
92. We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than a fat person.
93. Don't think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Funny Introductions for Speech

Sometimes, there are special occasions where you are asked to deliver a speech. Now, don't be pressure on how to keep your audience engaged and entertained. Here are some of the funny and witty introductions and opening lines you can use to start off your speech.

1. My job is to talk to you, and your job is to listen to it. If you finish first, please let me know.
2. An evening like this would be empty without some reference to [politics], so let's just think of this as empty.
3. I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, Why should I? He never reads any of mine.
4. After such an introduction, I can hardly wait to hear what I'm going to say.
5. I was chosen to speak today based on my senility.
6. I was chosen to speak due to my warm personality. . . . Look up warm and it means not so hot.
7. I gave a speech last week and the C.E.O. said I was both original and good. Unfortunately, the parts that were good weren't original and the parts that were original weren't very good. Don't worry, I'll do better today.
8. As Spinoza or someone very much like him, once said . . .
9. Thanks for the nice introduction. Next to my resume, that's the closest I'll ever come to perfection.
10. I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.
11. Be brief. And be seated. I promise I will be as brief as possible.no matter how long it takes
12. If any of you are related to our main guest, let me know so I can speak slowly.
13. I'd like to tell you some jokes now, but you'd only laugh.
14. A lot of you want me to hurry through the introduction. That's because you're so much older you don't want to waste a minute of your life.
15. I was told to be accurate, be brief, and then be seated. … So I promise I shall be as brief as possible – no matter how long it takes me.
16. I have a bad feeling about this. Before the meeting (INSERT NAME) said he (she) would be starting the meeting with a joke. Then he introduced me?
17. I hope you will excuse my being late. The person in this organization who gave me directions here has obviously heard me speak before.
18. Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? All the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
19. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm pleased to be with you. (Pause) That concludes my prepared remarks.
20. It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
21. It's funny, as I was walking up here I was thinking that we all have a lot in common today. None of us know what I'm going to say!?
22. We were worried that our main speaker wouldn't be able to make it tonight. But, fortunately, due to a hole in the prosecution's case . . .
23. I'm moving down here . . . because some of you in the back might not be able to hear my talk . . . and that wouldn't be fair to those who can hear it.
24. Asking me to speak is like watching a dog walk on his hind legs. Even if it isn't done well, you're amazed it can be done at all.
25. I do not stand on protocol. If you just call me Excellency, it will be okay.
26. Before I speak, I've got something important to say… I was told to be accurate.
27. I've always heard the secret to a good speech was to start with something of specific interest to the audience. O.K. (with a smile) All of your cars have been stolen.
28. Thank you for the privilege of speaking to you in this magnificent auditorium. You know the meaning of the word auditorium, don't you? It is derived from two Latin words, audio, to hear, and Taurus, the bull.
29. I sort of feel like Cindy Crawford's new husband on their wedding night. I know what's expected of me. I'm just not sure I've got the ability to make it interesting.
30. Once you get people laughing, they're listening and you can tell them almost anything.
31. It has been discovered experimentally that you can draw laughter from an audience anywhere in the world, of any class or race, simply by walking on a stage and uttering the words I am a married man.
32. My father gave me these hints on speech making: Be sincere … be brief … be seated.
33. Thank you. You know, coming here tonight my (husband)(wife) said…Whatever you do don't try to be too charming, witty or intellectual…just be yourself.
34. I'd like to introduce a man with a lot of charm, talent, and wit. Unfortunately, he couldn't be here tonight, so instead . . .
35. Don't you think it's amazing that 200 of us had dinner together and we all pretty much ordered the same thing?
36. When I was preparing for this speech I asked my family for advice. One member replied, There's a first time for everything, so try to be funny and brief.

Funny Introductions for Weddings

Weddings are a very special occasion between two people in love. For you to be invited to deliver a speech at a wedding must mean that you are either the maid of honor or the best man. Make your speech even more entertaining by using these introduction lines and adding them to your speech!

1. Hi, I'm the best man and for the speech today, the bride and groom have asked that I don't talk about the groom's mishaps, mistakes, embarrassing moments or ex-girlfriends. So thanks for listening everyone, that's all from me!
2. Hi, I'm [NAME] and it's time for me to do this speech I scribbled down about an hour before the ceremony started.
3. My name is [NAME] and I've known [GROOM] since we were at school – so we've both learned together what a mullet it as that it wasn't a good look for either of us.
4. My name is [NAME] and [GROOM/BRIDE'S NAME] asked me to be his best man a year ago – although I never actually received a formal invitation to the wedding. Let's hope I haven't eaten someone else's meal by mistake – but more likely, it was [GROOM'S NAME] saving himself the cost of a stamp.
5. Hi, I'm the best man and can I start by saying what an emotional day it's been today? Even the cake is in tiers.
6. My name is [NAME] and it's an honor to stand here as [GROOM'S NAME]'s best man. I'd like to say it's a pleasure too, but that won't be the case until I've finished this speech…
7. Hello, I'm [NAME] and I'm here to tell you all about [GROOM'S NAME] and how wonderful, handsome and…sorry, mate, I can't read your writing.
8. If you could keep the clapping and cheering to a minimum today – I've got a terrible hangover. I know you shouldn't drink heavily before a big event but I couldn't let [GROOM'S NAME] drink alone, could I?
9. Hi, I'm [NAME] and I'm here to give a speech about [GROOM'S NAME] – but what can I say about him that hasn't already been a topic on the Jeremy Kyle show?
10. [GROOM'S NAME] is a wonderful, handsome, charismatic man. He'd do anything for anyone. He even wrote this speech for me!
11. Hi, I'm [NAME] and in the run-up to the wedding, many people have asked me how I'll cope now my best friend is married and will spend all his time at home loved up with his wife. Well, I'm thrilled. I'm finally able to talk to women without him cramping my style!
12. Before I begin, I must admit that [NAME] and [NAME] have asked that I remove anything resembling innuendo from this speech – I've promised if I come across anything even slightly risqué, I'll whip it out immediately.
13. Right, I'd just like to start by laying down a couple of rules. Firstly, if you do have a mobile phone… please, leave it switched on; keep yourselves entertained. And secondly, if anyone texts you any good jokes, could you please forward them to me?
14. I must admit, I'm not accustomed to public speaking. Up until I was asked to give this speech I thought a toastmaster was a kind of kitchen appliance!
15. My name is [NAME] and I've known [GROOM] since we were at school – yes, I knew him when he still had hair!
16. My name is [NAME] and I'm the best man. It might have taken X amount of years, but [GROOM'S NAME] has finally admitted I'm the best.
17. I did ask for a microphone but they wouldn't give me one. So the people at the back, the silence from the guys at the front should reassure you that you're not missing out on anything.
18. To start this speech, I Googled 'the perfect best man speech' but you had to pay to read the examples and I didn't think it was worth it, so I'm just going to wing it.
19. I'm the best man and I think I got this role by default as [GROOM'S NAME] doesn't really have any other friends. I didn't really want to do it, but I thought it might be the only chance I'll get to have a meal and some drinks paid for by [GROOM'S NAME] so I didn't risk turning it down.
20. I read somewhere the perfect best man speech should last as long as it takes for the groom to make love. So ladies and gentlemen, please raise a glass to the happy couple!
21. We all know [BRIDE'S NAME] is a wonderful woman and deserves the perfect man. Unfortunately, you don't always get what you deserve.

Whatever the purpose is, introducing yourself is very important and must be carefully done. It directly affects your image and the people's impression of you. Choose the one that really describes your personality so that your introduction will be as authentic as possible. And of course, a little sense of humor won't hurt! Be funny and witty whenever you can!

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Source: https://www.ponwell.com/350-funny-and-witty-introductions-to-use-2020/

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